Divorce

The dreaded D word.  Some of you know I got married last June, we split up in November then were officially divorced in April.  That marriage was the worst decision of my life and the divorce was the best.

We all do crazy, fly by the seat of our pants things right?  Well until then I never had.  I am a planner by nature.  I always hesitated when it came to things, questioned everything, made pros and cons lists, etc...  This should have told me that doing something that was completely opposite of who I am is a bad, bad idea.

I met him in April of last year, yes April.  He was the Uncle of one of Marcus' friends.  We had both just been through a break up.  He asked for my number and we ended up talking on the phone every night for 5 or 6 hours.  We really got to know each other or so I thought. 

He wanted all the same things as me. He had 2 teenage girls so we wanted to make sure that everything was right between his girls and Marcus.  Everyone got along and everything was great.  He was a hard worker, treated me great, took care of his girls and treated Marcus great.  He promised that if he had to he would work 3 jobs to make sure we got the bills paid.  You get the idea.

We got married In June but didn't actually live together until August.  Between June and August things were wonderful.  We enjoyed each other and the kids.  We were so excited to all move in together.

About 3 weeks into moving in together was my birthday.  I ended up crying the whole day, he made my day miserable.  He was super jealous of my ex boyfriend (McKennon's Dad).  Him and I were friends and I had told my husband that and he was ok with it.  Turns out he wasn't.  I wasn't willing to give up that friendship because of how much we had been through together.  A man that was secure with himself should have understood that. Anyway my ex had texted me with Happy Birthday and I said Thank you and that was all it took to make him ruin my day.

It just got worse from there.  He turned extremely controlling.  He would freak out on me for things like falling asleep on the couch, which I do almost nightly.  We couldn't have a productive argument because he would lock me in a room with him for hours until I finally just told him whatever he wanted to hear.  Torture was what that was.  I went to a baseball game with some friends of mine and he freaked out.  From the beginning I told him I needed to be able to be myself and have friend time.  He didn't like that.

My final straw was when he actually called me ex to yell at him and tell him to leave me alone.  My ex hadn't called or texted in months.  When he got off the phone with him he told me that I needed to get over my son in order to get over my ex.  That broke my heart.  There is no getting over my son and I couldn't be married to someone so heartless.

I tried to make it work until I was blue.  I stopped one day and realized I was paying all the bills.  ALL of them.  There were 6 people living in my house.  He wasn't paying anything even though he had promised.  I was miserable.  I would go for drives after work just so I didn't have to go home and it wasn't until I saw how horrible he was treating Marcus that I couldn't take it anymore.

I finally told him I was done at the beginning of November and he would not leave, WOULD NOT.  I finally had to kick him out at the beginning of December.  So for a whole month I had to live with this crazy person. 

Lesson learned.  Never do anything opposite of who you are and never allow someone to take away who you are.

I wanted my first marriage to be my only marriage but I'm thankful I made that mistake because now I can really appreciate someone else.

My boyfriend and I have decided we are going to get married...someday.  Not any time soon.  We are enjoying what we have and aren't in any hurry.  I'm not sure that relationship would have happened if not for me getting married and then divorced.  Everything happens for a reason and now life is good:)

Disneyworld!

Disneyworld is an experience.  I learned so many things from it.  We had a goodtime....some of it.  I seriously need like 2 weeks there to go on all the rides, see all the shows, go to Universal Studios, go to the beach...I'm sure there are more but you get the idea.  I also would like to go by myself or with someone that might enjoy taking their time with me! *Cough Cough Ang Cough* haha  There were just so many things I wanted to see or experiences I wanted to see (The American Idol Experience) that my dad or Marcus would never do. 

So things I learned:

*NEVER take a 2 year old!! Just don't do it.  It's hot and tiring and they get cranky.  Plus they can't go on most of the rides because they are too short.  There is a lot of walking even if you rent a stroller and a lot of carrying the 2 year old.  There were some great moments that made it worth it but otherwise wait. Don't even get me started on the 3 1/2 hour plane ride....

*There is a Disney app...yes there is an app for that.  I didn't actually care to check it out until Day 3....stupid mistake.  You can literally do everything with this, make reservations, get fast passes, check wait times of rides and make a plan.  I like plans.  It made our last day so much better and we got to meet Mickey.  Who talked by the way, it was creepy.

*Do not go on the River Rapids at Animal Kingdom and expect to dry.  I wore jeans shorts and couldn't pee the rest of the day because I couldn't get those suckers off.  Ok so wear something that dries fast because it's a blast.  I happened to sit in the hot seat so while everyone else got cooled off I got drenched! 

*Animal Kingdom was my favorite.  They have Africa, Asia, Dinosaur Land and Discovery Island.  In Africa they have a safari ride that is just what it says.  We were a little scared when we discovered that there were no fences.  The animals just walked right up to the jeep.  It was the best part of the trip. 

Animal Kingdom was spread out enough you didn't feel suffocated and everything was shaded.  Thank god because it was hot as shit.

*I wasn't that impressed with Hollywood Studios.  There was some cool things to look at and some fun rides but when I looked at the map it was mostly food places.  Everything was asphalt so it was also miserable.  How do you people in the east and south deal with that humidity? blah.

Marcus and I went on the tower of terror and that was fun!

Hollywood Studios did have some really cool buildings to look at and we went to a show about Walt Disney and The Movie Experience.  I love history so these excited me lol

*Fast Passes.  Ang had mentioned them to me but I wasn't quite sure what they were until the second day.  You get 3 a day where you basically get to go in a shorter line for certain rides.  This was a lifesaver that last day with my niece.

* Magic Kingdom.  This is a little kids dream.  I had a plan for that day so we didn't get to wander around and check things out. We went on the Haunted Mansion ride where my niece freaked out and then at the end was waving to the scary people. Crazy kid.  We also went on the Buzz Lightyear ride where you get to shoot targets the whole way through.  I knew my dad and Marcus would enjoy that because they like to shoot things.  Ok so do I. We ate lunch at the Crystal Palace where we got to see Winnie The Pooh, Tigger, Eeyore and Piglet. Then finally we met Mickey and then we were out.

Eeyore is my favorite so I HAD to be in the picture

I almost forgot they met Daisy.

We spent every evening swimming and drinking (OK I did).  It seemed to get hottest around 4 or 5 so that's when we hit the swimming pool.

I was completely fascinated by the bamboo that grew everywhere

Anyone else really love pictures of people from behind?  I love it.  Caught in the moment.

All in all it was a fun experience.  We will probably go back some day when my niece is older and we can stay longer.

Side note: As much as I hated the humidity, my body never felt better.  The moment we landed in Colorado I was in pain.  Guess I need to move to somewhere tropical:)

Always, Sometimes, Never

 

Today I am joining in this link up with Erin from Homemade Happenings, Love her!

I Always....

Have my water bottle by my side

Tell everyone I love them before we get off the phone

Have either music or the TV on, I'm not big on silence

Make lists, for everything

Plan out my whole day of food so I am never without, you don't want to see me hangry haha

Bite my nails eek

I Sometimes...

Craft when I'm mad, that's when I'm most creative...go figure

Wear Makeup....hardly ever

Tell the kids that cereal is for dinner

Have wine and popcorn for dinner, my fave

Get dressed in something other than scrubs or pajamas...sometimes

I Never....

Eat Sushi...I just can't do it

Fold my laundry right out of the dryer...lazy. So yes my clothes are always wrinkled, oh well

Wear hats.  For some reason they bother me so my face is always extra tan

The I never part was hard for some reason.  What are some things you Always, Sometimes and Never do?

Sunset79-The Story

Sunset 79 seems like such a boring name when you just look at it but when I look at it, it is the reason for the person I am today.  It's long be prepared...

Let's take it back to 2009.  I wanted a baby, simple as that.  I was tired of dating a bunch of douchebags hoping one of them would be my prince charming and we would live happily ever after.  I was tired of the hurt feelings and bad dates.  I was DONE.  I had asked a couple guy friend's if they would be willing to be my sperm donor, they all said yes.  Such a tough choice lol  I was ok with being a single mom, after all I had been one for 6 years already it wasn't anything I couldn't handle and I had a wonderful family that would be there whenever I needed. 

Fast forward to December.  I was at karaoke (like normal) when a guy walked in sat down and just watched all night, didn't say a word to me.  The next day I get a friend request on Facebook from him and I thought what the fuck is this guy stalking me?  He was going through a break up and messaged me asking about my friend that I was with at karaoke.  This was normal, she was outgoing and stood out so I usually just stood back and watched.  I was ok with that, I hate attention seekers.  During the conversation he asked me to text him instead of Facebook message him.  We talked for 2 weeks then finally met.  From there it was history.  He was funny and witty and got me.  That's so cliché I know but it was true.  We had the same love for all things music.  We couldn't get enough of each other and he even moved in after 2 months. 

Fast forward to the next September...I was pregnant.  We were excited! It was then that we decided if we were starting a family that we needed a different life.  We both hated city life and wanted a slower pace of life.  No traffic, no traffic lights, friendly people.  Good thing we had such great illusions haha We packed up and moved to the middle of nowhere, the closest neighbor was about half a mile away or maybe even more, we never measured.  Neither of us had lived that life and it was an adventure.  We LOVED that house and the views from it.  It had perfect views of the sunset and sunrise, wide open skies, fresh air and you could see every single star in the sky.  Heaven is what I called it. By the way the street we lived on was called Highway 79.

Fast forward to May of 2011.  We were all prepared for our little boy McKennon (named after a bullrider).  His room was painted and decorated, I had washed all of his clothes, my bags were packed for the hospital and all we had to do was wait.  May 8th was Mother's Day.  I was cranky all day long and hardly felt him move.  I didn't think anything of it because he was big and didn't have a lot of space and when he moved it was mostly at night.  May 9th I went to work and hadn't felt him move so I called the doctor.  They said it was probably nothing but to come in and ease my worries.

It didn't ease my worries, my whole world fell apart.  They did 3 different ultrasounds and couldn't find a heartbeat.  It was devastating.  I kind of just went with whatever the doctors told me to do because that was all I could do.  I was numb.  All I could think was what if it was something I did?  I am his mother and am supposed to protect him from harm, what if it's my fault?  I went through 36 hours of labor for my son that I knew I was never going to get the joy of knowing or watching him grow.  I had them drug me up hardcore the whole time I was there.  I didn't want to feel anything, I didn't want to even think about what I was doing in that hospital for even a second.  People came in and out expressing their condolences, bringing food and trying to keep their own sanity for the sake of me.  In all honesty I kind of wish they had all left me alone.  You know when you are at your darkest hour and the only person you can stand to be around is yourself? That was me.  May 11th I finally had him.  We got to hold him and kiss him.  To some that may seem morbid but that was my baby, I had carried him for 9 months.  I was the only one that truly got to bond with him.  There is nothing like the bond between a mom and her child.  There just isn't.

We left the next day and I had a breakdown leaving the hospital.  Everyone else was leaving with their babies and I wasn't.  The next few months was rough.  I was depressed, my parents were going through a divorce and I watched my uncle die of cancer very slowly.  I had a hard time coping with life.  I hated everyone.  I couldn't even stand my parents or my best friend.  My boyfriend and Marcus were the only two people that I could stand being around. 

I decided I needed some serious help.  I couldn't get back to life as it was.  Not that I should have exactly but I wasn't ok.  I found a counselor and decided to take the steps to see her.  She asked me what I liked to do and gave her my usual read, watch tv whatever.  She asked me of there was something I did everyday.  I told her I watched the sunset every night because I had the perfect view and it was always so beautiful.  So she told me to imagine one of my loved one's that was already in Heaven taking my son up with them in their arms every night in that sunset.  That changed my life.  From then on that's what I did.  It was liberating almost.  I watched Extreme Couponers all the time so I decided to look up how to do it.  If I was going to change so was everything else in my life including my finances. That's how I started couponing.  It kept me busy and occupied.  Honestly it brought me back. I started canning and making up my own jelly/jam recipes without sugar.  I wanted to start a business doing that and probably will again soon.

Sadly the relationship with my boyfriend couldn't be saved.  It was really hard for us living in that house, walking by what should have been McKennon's room.  We fought constantly and it just wasn't working.  The night before he moved out we decided to spread some of McKennon's ashes outside of our house so we always had that memory.  I lived in that house for 9 months after that and watched the sunset every night that I could.  I had a hard time leaving that house and leaving my son but I know that although his ashes are there he is always in my heart.  There isn't one day that I don't think about him and what life would be like.  Part of my heart is in that Sunset on Highway 79:)

Enjoy!

Healthy Snacks On The Go

Let's face it we all have busy lives.  It is hard to eat well when you are always in the car or whatever else it is that keeps you away from home.  Some people, me included prep like a madwoman so that I always healthy options.  My problem sometimes is keeping things refrigerated.  Do they have those for cars yet? I need one!  Someone invent something quick.  When I clean houses we are either at some one's house or in the car.  I pack things up in my lunch box with three, yes THREE ice packs and by lunchtime my food goes bad.  This makes me angry and then I end up picking up lunch from a gas station and we all know that's not good. So anyway I have been working on keeping healthy snacks around that don't need to be refrigerated, here are some of my favorites...

Truthfully if you look at the nutrition for both turkey and beef they have the same amount of sodium but turkey actually is more calories, fat and carbs. Crazy hah? The only thing is a lot of beef isn't great for you and honestly if I'm going to eat red meat it's going to be a great big rib eye.  For me I only pick this is up when I'm hangry and need some immediate protein.

I know you have all heard the hype about quest bars.  Well let me just tell you it's true.  They are delicious! The cookies and cream are the best.  The problem is they are expensive, about 25 dollars for 12 ouch. I spread them out and treat them like gold. I keep one in my purse for emergencies only....like I'm starving and there is burger king emergency! If you can't afford them there are alternatives like Luna bars and think thin bars.  Some of them are decent and affordable.  I know they aren't the best choices but they are better than any fast food choice you will make right?!

I love edamame, love it but seriously it's hard to chew when you make it fresh.  These take away my salty, crunchy cravings.  A serving is 100 calories and it's just edamame lightly salted, that's it no hidden ingredients.  I find them at Sprout's or King Soopers (Kroger), usually in the snack aisle.  They are always on the top shelf so my short self has to really search but they are worth it and cheap too!!  I usually just buy a big bag and it's 1.50. By the way Sprout's has dark chocolate covered edamame and they are fantastic.....go get you some!

Have you tried this shit yet? It's addicting and so damn delicious.  I am a popcorn freak and will eat it everyday.  I usually portion this out into sandwich bags so I don't eat a whole bag because it's easy to.

Besides these I also carry around the usual almonds, sunflower seeds, pumpkin seeds, bananas, dried fruit and a little dessert...

These things are amazing.  One of my favorite things are nutty bars and this tastes even better!

What are some of your favorite healthy snacks on the go?

Brantley Gilbert

In 2009 I discovered this unknown country artist named Brantley Gilbert.  I first heard Dirt Road Anthem (not the crappy Jason Aldean version, the REAL one) and fell in love.  It was like my own little version of rap country.  Don't get this confused with rap and country artists combining that just pisses me off and yes I have lots of opinions about it.  Anyway back to my story I started looking up more of Brantley and couldn't get enough.  He sings beautifully but with a hot rasp and writes every one of his songs.  I am a sucker for songwriters and lyrics that make me feel.  I got Brantley's new Cd the other day and wasn't disappointed when I saw he wrote every.single.song, I told my boyfriend that was like porn to me haha.  He didn't sell out to the music industry.  He has always stayed the same person....that would be why his album is called Just As I Am.

  Go buy it, no really do it and his first album Halfway To Heaven.  The first album is about how he almost died when he was drinking and driving and wrapped his truck around a tree. True story...and now I will get on with this story that I will NEVER EVER forget.

I am a concert lover!  I try to go to as many as I can afford so in 2010 I checked to see if Brantley was coming anywhere near Colorado. Of course he wasn't because nobody knew who the hell he was.  The closest he came was to Amarillo, Texas....9 hours away from me.  My crazy ass said I have to go see him.  So my boyfriend at the time and I drove down there in August.  A little background....my boyfriend was great at getting behind the scenes to meet people.  I got to meet Lee Brice and Clay Walker because he was good like that.  We cruised around Amarillo and checked out what they have to offer. Not much but I will tell you people in Texas are so much nicer than people in Colorado.  A bunch of assholes this state is.

Anyway my boyfriend had the bright idea to go to the venue around 4 because they were probably doing sound check and we might get to meet him.  We got there and his manager was outside and we explained how far we had driven to see him and he let us in. 

We spent the next 5 hours getting to know Brantley.  We sat on his bus while he drank the biggest bottle of Yeager I have ever seen and I picked his brain about all of his songs.  He told me what each one was about, who they were about and why.  For me that will always mean the world to me.  While on the bus we attempted to call all of the country music stations in Colorado trying to convince them to play him on the radio.  We got the same response "Who's that?"  Man were they missing out.  At the end of those hours Brantley decided he wanted to go back to his hotel before the show and we offered to drive him.  Can you imagine how much I was freaking out that Brantley was in MY car?  I was in the backseat having the biggest heart attack lol  He called Colt Ford and talked to him while we were in the car.  To 2 people that drove 9 hours to see him this made it all worth it.  We dropped him at his hotel and told him we would see him at the concert. 

We get to the concert and the band starts laughing at us and we aren't sure why.  Apparently we dropped him off at the wrong hotel.....oops haha Poor guy and it's safe to say he probably won't ever forget us.  After the concert (where he was perfect) he grabbed us and brought us back on the bus.  We said goodbye and that was that.  It was amazing!  The only thing I regret is that we didn't get any pictures. We didn't ask him because we were respecting the fact that he invited us into his bus in the first place but man I will cherish those moments forever.

I saw him three more times after that in Colorado...it took awhile but then I found out he would be here May 18th HEADLINING at Red Rocks.  It is every musician's dream to headline or even just play at Red Rocks.  If you ever come to Colorado you need to go there even if it's not for a concert.  I decided to take my mom and sister as a mother's day present.

Look at those skinny bitches!

Brantley and Thomas Rhett

I took about 100 more but I figured you didn't need to see all the blur of lights!


I seriously cried about 5 different times through out this concert.  I felt like a proud mom watching my kid grow up.  He went from just a handful of people knowing him to selling out Red Rocks.  He was so appreciative that he was crying on stage and kept saying thank you over and over.  I'm not sure I've ever seen a more real person up on stage.  Not to mention that instead of doing all new songs or songs people know he did a medley of old songs that only hardcore fans would know.  I didn't expect that and was so excited it was ridiculous!!  I even stayed sober that night so I didn't miss one moment.  Some might call me a freak. I just call myself passionate.

I will leave you with my favorite by him and if you decide to listen to it pay attention to the lyrics. 

"Watching an angel cry her tears,
Stepping over my beers as you walked out the door."

Any artist you can't get enough of? Anybody else a lyric freak like me?

 

Life lately

Well I finally got moved.  I have been there for over a week but if you've ever moved you know it's crazy and the unpacking takes years.  I am one of those people that can't live in a house that's packed up so I have been working hard to at least get all the main rooms back to normal.  On top of moving or probably because of moving I've been having Fibro flare ups almost everyday.  It sucks and because of it I haven't worked out much or continued on with my second round of the 21 day fix.  We are leaving for Disneyworld Wednesday so I figured I should just wait.  I have been reading, sleeping and taking it easy...it's so nice sometimes.

While I was away I got to celebrate my best friend's 31st birthday...

Tequila and a Rockies game!  I'm wearing the headband that the lovely Jasmine made me:)

We went out after and were in bed by 12:30...lame

 

 

 My sweet boyfriend singing me a song!!

 

Colorado weather has been nuts!  It goes from 90 degrees to hail that looks like snow to tornadoes and back.  I moved out of the country to the city and those bitches followed me!!

 

That is my child on the back of a motorcycle.....talk about a heart attack ugh

 

The thing I will miss about living in the country...the sunset. Could have something to do with the name of my blog.....which I really am going to write about this week and post when I'm gone really. I also have a whole post about Brantley Gilbert tomorrow:)

 

I'm so excited about Disneyworld!  Any advice for me?