Sunday, December 18, 2016

Raising someone else's child

.....is not for the faint of heart.

When I look back to over 3 years ago I never thought life would ever look like this. I mean who really knows what the future will look like? I became guardian to my niece and fast forward to now where I am filing adoption papers.

Adopting a broken, hurt 5 year old is HARD. I mean how do you even go about healing someone who has been through hell before they are 3? Therapy and testing for things brought on by a mother's drug abuse.....heartbreaking. Sometimes when I hear the things she has been through my insides feel hollow and I feel rage.

I've never been a perfect mom but I couldn't imagine doing that to my child.

I'm writing a blog post for selfish reasons really. I just need a way to get some stuff out. I am feeling very helpless. My niece was doing really well until she saw my sister a couple weeks ago and now she's out of control. It's so hard not to be mad at her and punish her for her bad behavior. I forget that it's not her fault, that every time she does something it's from hurt or rejection.

I'm angry at my sister. She was selfish enough to hurt everyone around her, to put a babies life in danger and never think of the consequences. It hurts because she's my sister but then I think why me?

Life turned out pretty ironic. Lose a baby, gain one that's not mine. I love her and I will always treat her like she's mine because she deserves it but every once in awhile I look around and wonder how exactly I got here.

Friday, July 17, 2015

Bucket List

What's that you say I'm blogging?? Actually it's kind of a quick stop by. Hello anyone that still reads!

Lately I've been going through and working through a lot of emotional things.  One of the things I have decided to do is to take care of me.  I don't do that often and it's about time.  So I'm making a bucket list and checking that shit off little by little! There are so many things I want to see and so many things I want to do.  I am paying my very last school loan payment next month(after 13 years) and then using that money to travel and do fun things!  I don't really have an order quite yet or a whole list but I will be adding on.

1. Going to Boston.  I have never been to the East Coast, except the philly airport (doesn't count).  One of my best friend's just moved about 45 minutes outside of there.  While I'm there we are going to a Red Sox game, Salem, Pub Crawl, Maine and she has some other things planned.  All of that can be checked off my list.  All places I want to see and experience...oh and the leaves! Plane tickets and Red Sox tickets bought for the end of September woohoo!!

2. Ireland.  Someone told me to go in March because it is the most beautiful even though it's cold. I want to see it ALL. Ok that probably won't happen but that's ok

3. Sky Diving. Makes me queasy thinking about it but I will love it

4.  Watch a Sunset on the ocean.  I don't even care where

5. Garth Brooks. Check Check

6. Reba Mcentire.  I've been to a million concerts but never to see the one person that started my love for singing

7.  See a Broadway Play

8. Throw a dart at a map and go wherever it lands

9. Pay for a Stranger's groceries.  I am so strict with where my money goes but one day I will do this

10. Hollywood. Walk of Fame. Rodeo Drive. you know

11. Kiss my boyfriend under the Eiffel tower-I know cheesy

12. Have a 100% technology free day.  It's possible and may come soon

13. Vist the Wizarding World of Harry potter. I'm a nerd I know

14. Set Foot on all 7 Continents

15. Take my mom and dad on a vacation of their dreams. (seperate)

16. Visit every U.S. Landmark

17. Ride in a hot air balloon

18. Eat Pizza in Italy

19.  Watch The CMT awards in person

20. Get a college degree-working on it

21. Vist all 50 states and their baseball and football stadiums (if they have them)

That's good for now and I feel like there are so many other bucket list items within the bucket list items.

What are your bucket list items? Anything I MUST do?

Monday, January 12, 2015

New Year's Resolutions



Resolutions 12 days late? Oh well they have to happen sometime.  They aren't really resolutions but more like some goals for the year, in a list because that's how I roll.

* Step away from my phone...I'm talking about trivia crack or candy crush mostly.  That ish is addicting

*I have 8 weeks to be beach ready.  I'm mostly just trying to eat well until then.  After Christmas binging I have not even craved bad foods, this must be a dream.  I have been eating great and feel great (except this stupid sinus infection).  We decided to just go to Mexico. There's a lovely virus from a mosquito going around the Caribbean that can last 6 months, I don't even want to chance that.  My poor Grandma has it in Puerto Rico:(

Also I bought a goal bikini...eeek.

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*Spend more time with Marcus.  Kick him off the video games to pretend he loves me is what I mean.  I get so comfortable with him in his room and me in the living room but he's almost 12 and growing so fast.  he won't care much about his mom soon so I want to soak up as much as I can!

*Read 50 books.  I read 54 last year and it's possible I might read more but probably not so 50 was reasonable.

Speaking of books, have you read this yet? LOVE

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*Buy a new car.  Lately every time I turn around there is something wrong with my car.  If I'm going to fork out the money to fix it I might as well buy a new one.

*I have until the end of April to declutter my whole house...completely.  I have done 1/4 of it already.

That's about it.  What are your resolutions or goals for the year?


Monday, December 29, 2014

Why I quit counting calories

Thanks to Skinny Meg I hired her macros coach just for a quick session.  She made me realize calories shouldn't count if I'm eating balanced foods.  I mean did I really need to hire someone for that?

I also realized I am not drinking enough water even though I always thought I was...

I started weighing my food.  Sounds time consuming and yes it is a little bit but those packages are WRONG.

She made me realize that 4 glasses of wine are almost half my carbs for the whole day...ouch

She also told me when I am working out and recording my workouts NOT to eat back those calories, which I always do.

So here I am trying hard to hit those macros everyday.  I did it perfect the first day and haven't been able to do it since.

I am also selling my polar if anyone is interested?  I realized I have been so obsessed with how many calories I actually burn that if it's low I am disappointed.  It doesn't matter that I just spent an hour lifting weights and only burned 150 calories, I am starting to see progress in my body.  That is what counts!

So from now on I will not be counting calories, only macros and working out to feel good.

It's kind of freeing actually....

Monday, December 8, 2014

I'm magic...

and by magic I mean I disappeared from blogging for a few.  Truthfully I just don't have the time to blog at all.  It's easy to sit down and write something but to get pictures on here and truly plan things out, I just don't have the energy anymore.  Maybe after the holidays.

Speaking of holidays...besides 2 Starbuck's gift cards for Marcus' teachers I am completely 100% DONE Christmas shopping, including stocking stuffers.  For years I didn't enjoy Christmas because I was always so stressed out.  This year I decided I was going to stay on top of it at home and work.  That also includes everything wrapped and ready to go.  The only thing I have left are some candied almonds but those can't really be done yet or they won't taste fresh.  I am a black friday shopper every.single.year.  Do I regret it? Feel bad? hell no!

What else is going on?

I have been decluttering my house and putting together a garage sale pile for the Spring.  Why you ask? You guessed it, I'm moving again...BIG surprise haha This time we are moving in with the boyfriend.  Him and I want to buy a house but we want to take our time really looking and finding exactly what we want and his lease is month to month.  SO that means moving from a 4 bedroom house to a 2 bedroom apartment.  It's actually great to downsize.

I have been working out ALOT.  I love it. I have been joining the 5am club and doing mostly weight lifting.  It's my favorite.  I also did the 3 day refresh from Beachbody.  It's 3 shakes, a fiber drink and only fruits and veggies.  No meat.  I was pretty sure I would die but actually it was fine.  I wasn't starving.

My mom had hand surgery.  She has tendonitis that turned into rheumatoid arthritis (something I get to look forward to).  So for 3 weeks I was taking care of her when I could and doing extra work at work because she was out.  Of course it had to be extra crazy at work too.  Healthcare during the holidays and anywhere near a full moon is nuts and it doens't help when you actually work with people that are nuts haha

My name is Analisa and I have a concert problem...I might have gone to 2 concerts back to back last month.    I really hated myself after it too.  I also discovered I can't drink anything but wine without getting sick anymore #oldbitch.

I had 2...yes 2 Thanksgiving's.  The joys of divorced parents.  Both traditional, turkey and all.

And that my friend's is why I haven't been blogging.  I noticed a lot of people have been taking a break.  Not a bad thing.

What's been going on? Christmas shopping done?

Monday, November 10, 2014

Empty Nest Syndrome

I know that empty nest is supposed to be for couples when their kids go off to college or move out but I think I'm feeling it.

My niece moved back with her mom and dad, who are doing so great!  I love that she's back with them but I feel an emptiness.  I was her mom for a year.  It was only a year but we got so used to having her around that it's sad.  We had a routine down and Marcus liked having her around.

Marcus goes to his Dad's on the weekends, my best friend is gone working or at her boyfriend's most of the time so my house on the weekend is empty.

Friday nights I usually go to my boyfriend's and we go to dinner and sometimes a movie.  Friday we went to dinner, got froyo and then watched Dateline....talk about feeling old!

Having an empty house is nice to a point because I can clean it and declutter and do all those projects I've been putting off.  It should be nice but really it's kind of depressing.  I love being a mom.  Kids may drive me crazy but not having them around is boring.

The rest of this weekend I got some Christmas stuff done, my haircut, spent WAY too much money, went to Ikea and bought too much stuff, ate lots of pizza, drank lots of wine and did a ton of laundry.

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It was productive but I need a hobby!  I may start working out all weekend long haha just kidding but seriously someone give me some hobbies to do??


Friday, November 7, 2014

Choose Your Own Adventure-November

Life According to Steph


This month's adventure is organizing!  I am usually a somewhat organized perosn but my house is a complete disaster!  Here are my goals:

1.  Organize my Christmas stuff.  Make actual boxes for things instead of throwing them all in the same tub.  Lazy geez.  

2. Declutter!  This may take more than a month but that's ok.  I already got one room done......5 more to go

3. Clean out my kitchen cabinets.  This will probably mean only buying produce for a couple weeks.

4. Find a good way to organize all my bills, anyone else hate paper like me?!  It's such a pain in the ass.

That's it.  Anyone else organizing this month?